Lessons from Grief, Pt. 1

"Everyone grieves differently", it is said, and it's true. We began the grieving process back in November only to feel like we started over after Artie's death. Still, some people are sure to have had similar circumstances. We all have the same broad issues in grieving, but we each handle the particulars differently. Certain times or discussions bring the loss crashing in on Telly, while I am unfazed, except by her pain. But calling a friend last week brought this unexpected wave that started me crying just as he answered the phone (he handled it brilliantly, but there's nowhere to go except awkward at that point). Sometimes, Telly and I have our moments together, and we talk or just sit with our hearts and minds echoing back and forth. 
I appreciate the encouragement and reminder not to be ashamed of our grieving process. It's hard to be weak, and no one really likes it. Plus, we don't make perfect decisions at the best of times, so knowing there's grace right now is liberating, in case we momentarily go a little crazy. But however your particular grief takes shape, every mourner has to figure out how to move forward, how to not get lost in the pain. I am certain that for me (and pretty convinced that for everyone) the answer lies in coming to terms with the big picture questions and answers, which I believe only God and the Bible resolve. And the fundamental question can only be "Why? Why did this happen?"

Truthfully, I don't have an answer. I resonate with a friend who said that when their daughter died, no reason seemed good enough. Even if people come to faith in Jesus, well, wasn't there another way? He is God, after all. But comfort and security these days actually comes from just this truth: I don't have an answer. moreover, I don't NEED to have one.

Really, God doesn't owe me an answer. Romans 11 says, "Who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor. Who has given him a gift, that God should repay Him." Likewise Job's questions are answered by God with questions of His own. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations? Do you control seas, rain, snow and hail? Do you order the dawn every morning? In other words, there is much I do not understand. For that matter, if it required my complete comprehension for something to exist, then James would still be alive. For I don't fully grasp the intricate aspects of his birth. It is silly, then, to assume that even if God were to fully explain His plan, I could grasp it. God could certainly have made another way for James, but with my limited intellect and flawed motives, I am not capable of choosing the perfect plan... only the one I want most.

That is the crux of things. I want an answer I can accept as right, that I give my seal of approval. I want to be God, not see God. And that is not a new idea. It got us in this mess of sin and death to begin with. Knowing my desires are misplaced frees me to shift my gaze, and then I remember that I can see His goodness from the beautiful son who brings us delight every day to the beautiful son who waits healthy and happy beside God until the day I see him again.

I will see him again, because God did not simply leave me with an unanswered "Why", He took one on Himself. He refused Jesus another way besides dying for my sin. He let "Why have you forsaken me?" hang in the air as Jesus hung on the cross, and all so people like me could receive what we couldn't get for ourselves- forgiveness. Through the unanswered "Why", I have peace with God and therefore peace from God in my unanswered "Why."